Sunday, February 28, 2010

Giant Squid - Monster in the Creek

Questions upon conundrums dipped in riddles. Can a record based upon freshwater sharks preying on scrawny hillbilly children purely out of desperate hunger be considered beauiful? Could this happen again, and would it make a good concept album ninety years from this day? What would Lester Stillwell, who was eaten by the eponymous monster in 1916, make of this cerebral slab of chum? If you were eaten by a shark tomorrow, what would they play at your funeral?
Will there be sequels?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Manilla Road - Out of the Abyss

The careful listener detects the first twitches of metamorphosis here, as if long-running Kansas metal band Manilla Road, eternally surrounded by seas of swaying corn and yawning silence, had finally cracked open a forbidden tome and allowed tiny arteries of cosmic darkness to trickle into their previously science-fiction based space rock. Tellingly, the album immediately preceding this was grounded in the work of Edgar Allan Poe; Lovecraft is a natural progression, they say. The universe gapes open like a screaming wound; eons pass in the blink of a blind scabrous eye.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Thusly Spoken: Apocalypse Music

I have posted a guest mix at Illogical Contraption prophesying the end times.

Cephalectomy - The Dream Cycle Mythos

Based on the least horrifying corner of the Mythos, Canadian "mystigrind" thugs Cephalectomy explore realms heretofore believed to be unfathomable. Behold, the twenty-five minute grindcore song.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Viwarium - Post-Nuclear Depression

In the shadow of Iron Curtain, Siberian death metal combo Viwarium, possessors of pleasantly toad-like guttural vocals and angular composition, spread glowing waste about the crackling mudscape with six-stringed shovels. Surprisingly swinging, this brief album gallops along on six legs, a tethered mass of burned bodies bouncing along behind it. Luminous and hideous at the same time. A certain breed of misanthrope will enjoy the Phantasm samples and musical motif employed on the last track, "Lord of the Dead."
привычный и традиционный

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

If The Bomb Falls: A Recorded Guide To Survival

Beginning with the eerie wail of an air raid siren, this scratchy postwar LP details at length the necessary steps required to survive a nuclear strike. Narrator David Wiley's robotic monotone, rattling off lists of supplies, or expounding on the odds of surviving a direct hit versus the prolonged exposure of living downwind, lulls to listener into a reverie until the terrifying implications begin to sink in. Included are scans of "Facts about Fallout," the booklet included with the LP, and a wallet card of emergency instructions for full time preparedness.
Can You Survive A Hydrogen War?

1349 - Abomination

1349 was the year of arrival of the Black Plague in Norway, home of these atavistic barbarians. They produce straightforward Norwegian Black Metal without the spactacles of church-burning, murder, electronic dance music, elf costumes, rubberized trousers, fetishized fascism, synthesized church organs, or modern production technique. If they rely on a gimmick, it is merely the tendency of band members to blow fireballs on stage and in still photographs, no mean feat when one's face is slathered in greasepaint and novelty costume blood.
To Rottendom!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

In The Mouth of Madness

Lo, gentle reader, the night grows darker and stranger and I fear I have not the strength to continue much longer with this confession. I have seen things most terrible tonight, and I have been a part of them. This series of aughts and zeros is testament to the horrible labour of John Carpenter and Jim Lang, concentric circles within spirals descending into unknowable oblivion. The initial cacophony may be shocking, with seemingly ancient arabesque guitar music from the distant and scarcely mourned 1990's, a brutish dark age; after this is endured, however, the listener may settle into a black fugue of meditation only occasionally interrupted by the odd axe murder or ruptured threshold.
I'll not spoil the ending for you.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Mars - Reign of Suns

Crustacean Doom from the deep, drifted onto to shore to fester under the harsh New Orleans sun. A hard exoskeleton of low-end hum surrounded by inky clouds of dueling guitar, thrashing tentacles, and resinous excretion. Sometimes moving with terrifying speed, but more frequently lurking in a darkened tide pool, patient, dreaming.

Friday, February 19, 2010

(You Must Fight To Live) On The Planet Of The Apes

Lurching forth from their sarcophagi, The Mummies, clad in the moldering rags of ancient finery, spin a tale of madness: Mankind has been conquered and enslaved by filthy apes, reduced to dumb servility. One lone man stands against an army of soldier apes on horseback, his fist raised in defiance, and cries:

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Dagon - La Secta del Mar

Long forbidden in America, but destined to someday blacken our shores with pulsating putrid throbs of noise and guttural chanting in suppressed tongues, this audio recording of sounds from the moving picture Dagon, the ill-begotten brainchild of one Stuart Gordon, who had been responsible for the horrors of Re-Animator and From Beyond, and one Carles Cases, composer of nasty tuneless wailings, struggles to escape rightful oblivion even now. Its appearance here can bode no good, as surely as it spread madness in Spain, the place of its mewling birth. Hence it comes to you with unnamed songs of opaque meaning and thankfully sparse documentation.
They'll never believe you.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Portal - Lurker at the Threshold

Perhaps the most mysterious force active in the realm of non-Euclidean death metal, Portal is no merely longer spoken of in hushed tones by the twisted acolytes of forces best forgotten; their growing army of degenerate followers slowly encroaches on more lighted lands. Clad in a tattered and cobwebbed exoskeleton seemingly acquired from long years spent in trapped in dusty attics, Portal finds apotheosis in this era in the form of a man with a broken cuckoo clock where once reposed a hideous inhuman visage.
Be Warned.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Arkham Witch

A traditionalist doom ensemble steeped in the miasma of cosmic dread, Arkham Witch stomps down the surrounding vegetation in its slow, methodical path towards civilization. These six sinister songs ooze green sludge out of your phonograph machine and onto the carpet. The Doom that came to Yorkshire.
Oh Yes.


Loathesome Unpronounceable Noise intended for the perusal and perhaps ultimately the comprehension of crumbling works of blasphemous jubilation. The ululations of devolved amphibious epiglottii overheard from a darkening apartment above the courtyard moments before a horrid twist of fate.
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